Topic: Rufas needs career counseling

[Midaski]

To
Rufas of Nordland
Celestial Mage 3rd Class
Salzenmund

My Dear Eccentric Fellow,
I must admit that your recent missive caused much amusement. You should know that the life of a Kislev noble in the harsh northern lands makes for a much hardier healthier individual than the soft existence of the ‘indulgent’ life you have led.
Indeed your recent ‘activity’ and I use the term loosely, must have been very taxing as your coach ferried you around searching for such ferocious dangerous creatures as the odd female crone and mixed infants.

It must be very hard – or possibly it isn’t and that is the real problem – for you to know that even with my advanced years I am still able to attract and pleasure nubile sensuous ladies and have no need of bizarre experimentations in a vain search for physical pleasure.

However we return to the matter of money – you could say a tax return -  It is true that the Emperor grants certain exemptions to the Colleges of Magic, and indeed to the donations to the Holy Church of Sigmar to fund the work of the Grand Theogonist and his staff.
However we have your own documented evidence, so kindly provided by your good self, in your writings in the Empire chronicles, where you openly admit to your trading in the Nordland timber market.
The rather pitiful attempt to claim loss of the profits and plead poverty, blaming a Pink Gobbo will not hold water.
(Otto and Max have asked if they can see whether you ‘hold water’ actually, following my telling them of the pond and Theoderic’s brother-in-law.)
To continue, however, even if I believe the fanciful tale of a Pink Gobbo – are you sure that is not some hallucinatory hangover from the previous night at Madame Rosalita’s – we have the written evidence confirmed from your freely admitted alter-ego, the dwarf Ironmonger, in Bugman’s Brewery that the said Pink Gobbo was an employee of your good self.
You openly admit it was your money, which my fine fellow still makes you responsible.

You might have elicited more sympathy – not a lot mind you – if you had at least staged some sort of robbery.
“DRIIINKS FUR EVEREEEONE” is the exact quotation I believe. You can be assured that I have had a team of highly trained scribes and clerics in my department scouring every inch of the parchments laying down the Imperial Tax laws, and we are unable to find that listed under ‘deductable expenses’.

I have to report that my ‘investigators’ have also visited Bugman’s Bar and luckily were able to talk several of the regulars who, when asked, became involved in a rather long and heated debate as to the last time anyone, let alone a Pink Gobbo, bought ‘Drinks for Everyone’ in the place.
As my colleagues left the premises discreetly the majority of the combatants seemed to have narrowed it down to someone called Gurney Ragnarson who had returned from a dragon slaying venture with inordinate amounts of gold, and had been slipped some strange fungi into his pipe tobacco in the Imperial Calendar year of 1976.

As to Marienburg I would be careful, as not even Count Theoderic knows the full story of the intrigues afoot. My scribes do tend to only list my more important offices, but I am sure there is reference to poor Erengrad which suffered much recently getting wetter than most. In one of your more lucid moments you will note the site of said city, and make some sense of its strategic value.


As to your career predicament, I can certainly understand your reluctance to consider my twins offer – on further consideration it must be very difficult for you to keep control of your faculties in the one existence, and two would be well beyond your capabilities.
I would advise you stay in your current profession. I have enclosed copies of my correspondence with the other involved parties, and you will see that the offer from the ‘Vice-Theogonist’ may not be that reliable or long term.

I must say that I find you a very amusing fellow, and I would be most disappointed to have to arrange – as you put it so kindly in your letter to me – “a visit to the Temple of Morr” for you.

As a “Provisional Wizard Lord 4th Level” you should take advantage of the Pegasus offer very speedily – my sources tell me that a lot of Empire Captains are ‘requisitioning’ Pegasii to enable them to carry some boxes that Mage Aldred’s ex-apprentices seem to be churning out in Altdorf.
Wizard status and a Pegasus should keep you away from the ‘front-line’ and let’s face it after your recent lifestyle you are hardly up to wielding a big hammer and wearing heavy armour.


Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina



Oh by the way, just between you and me, I wouldn’t overdo it in the Drakwald, because despite all the fuss and Count Theoderic’s fervour be assured no-one will find the item, ...................... well not the real item. I suppose the brass copy left in its place though might fool some of the mentally challenged races.

The real item is safely in Kislev – I delivered it myself to the Tsarina last week, and very fetching she looked wearing it too, - very, very regal and stunningly beautiful – not that I took too much notice of the headgear - well it was all she was wearing.

[Midaski]

Johann Esmer, Vice Theogonist
Holy Church of Sigmar
Marienburg

Dear Johann
Now you are being a naughty boy aren’t you?
When I asked you nicely to go to Marienburg and lie low, and I went to the trouble of supplying the special escort from my own personal Kislev Greatswords, I thought you understood what "lie low" meant.

A copy of your letter to Rufas of Nordland has come into my possession, and before we go any further I do suggest you change your title to Deputy Theogonist – given your indiscretions in Altdorf and the free coupon to Madame Rosalita’s that is now in your possession I suggest you should not encourage the use of the word Vice around yourself.

The Conclave’s Inner Circle’s experiment with Rufas, and his mixing of Wizard and Priest roles is concluded. I still find it amusing that the poor fellow believed it was his own idea – his eccentricity just made him so gullible to the subtle suggestions from the planted Halfling masseuse.
He is being strongly advised to stick to the wizardry, and the Grand Theogonist had made it clear there was to be no offer from the Church of Sigmar anywhere within the Empire. Graf Boris and the Ar-Ulric were also tipped off in case the weirdo tried to convert to their side.

All you had to do was spend your days quietly, and your nights discreetly. You know Marienburg was chosen for a purpose, and you are supposed to be discreetly inveigling your way into the corridors of power there.
Grand Burgomeister Grutch has provided the introductions, and I would not want his position undermined by your delusional aberrations.
It had been suggested that Otto and Max paid you a visit, but I have also pointed out that Volkmar is still not his old self, and it is possible, however remote given your conduct in office prior to his return, that you may be of some use to your Emperor in the future.

I will make no such defence, if there is any repeat of your actions,

Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina

[Midaski]

F. von Carstein
Castellan of Waldenhof
c/o
Herr Honorio
Order of Eternal Night and Solace
Schwarzahn Spire, Talabecland

Dear Frederick,
I must apologise for your mail problem – I suspect Ulrika and Demia’s ‘investigations’ of your servitors caused a little blip in their performance. It is actually quite amusing as it involves Rufas, as he is always getting mail for a renowned scribe called Rufus.

My consorts did laugh though, and they did say you were quite right – you are not a very competent spellcaster.

I am somewhat concerned however about your ‘encouragement’ of Rufas’ scholastic ability. Rufas has been under careful observation for some time now, and we do believe that he has some natural talent as a battle wizard; however the eccentricity that serves him well on the battlefield as he tends to, shall we say, ‘confuse’ the enemy, causes a certain disquiet in his day to day behaviour.

I have my observers ‘down south’ and so please be advised also that I am well aware of your submissions to the University of Altdorf – indeed you seem to be a fairly intelligent fellow, or should I say being, and you must have known the mere titles of your work would bring you to the attention of certain authorities.
I have read the “I am a Walrus – and I have feelings” treatise, - I think it was initially dismissed as plagiarism of a certain musical troupe currently popular amongst some of Altdorf’s younger populace.
The other tome – “The Komodo – and how to use it properly” also somehow found its way into the Sanitation and Ablutions section of the Library.

To conclude I would suggest that you should be careful as to how far you pursue your pleasure; Rufus is somewhat protected from inferences of ‘chaotic pleasure seeking’ infection due to his occasional performances in battle, but given your state of existence you might find accusations harder to defend - I think Otto and Max refer to it amusingly as "The Double Whammy"

Oh and no one could ever call me hyperbolic – you might wish to call Rufas superbowlic though.

Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Salzenmund, May 24, 2523

Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class

To: Peter von Sprecher
College of Celestial Wizardry
Office of the Secretary for Wizardry Training & Advancement
Advancement Board

Dear Herr von Specher.

I have received your missive of the 21st and am honored with the unqualified esteem and honor bestowed upon my humble self.  I will strive meet these high expectations. 

My next research project upon completion of this unpleasant business in the Drakwald will concern a certain Pink Goblin, pots of finger-paints from Frau Helga’s kindergarten class and an ancient Kislev nobleman, and of course, 36 cases of red wine, which we all know is essential for any significant research.  I will submit further details with the grant application.   

I should inform you, that I had received another offer that was nearly as attractive as the one forwarded by your kind hand.   For a time, the offers were in near balance.  Of course my heart has always been the Celestial College, but important decisions should not be made lightly.  Even now, there is some indecision as the size and composition I am to lead into the Drakwald remains in a haze and the stars themselves fail to yield satisfactory answers. 

However, at times even the Lore of Heavens will fail to yield a correct path.  In such cases, one should follow his heart, and other portents that may be available.  As stated above, my heart is with the Celestial College.  However, I have been able to discern other portents that confirm the wisdom of accepting the appointment of Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level.  In addition, please allow this to serve as appropriate notice to obtain one of the College’s, fine Pegasai.
       
I should close soon, I am in need of some serious discussions with Count Theodoric on matters of a military nature.  It is always a hassle securing the military forces required an expedition.

I have met a fine man, Captain von Shadel, whom may agree to join my force.  We met through the offices of my dear friends, Larry, Moe, & Curly, my former Customer Service Ogres.  Would you believe these fine lads have recently sat for and been admitted to the Bar for the Province of Nordland.  Their new practice specializes in civil litigation and tax law.  Their offices are in the alleyway in the back of Madame Rosalita’s.  I spent so much time staring up at the stars, that I failed to notice them down below.  The noise of crunching bones should have given them away,

I will close for now.

I remain,

Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class

P.S. By any chance could I prevail upon you to forward the 36 cases of red wine along with the Pegasus?  I wish to start some of the preliminary research in the down time of putting the Nordland Expeditionary Force together.  Your understanding is greatly appreciated.

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Larry, Moe & Curley, Esquires
Alleyway behind Madame Rosilita’s
Salzenmund, Nordland

Lord Midaski
Imperial,  Lord of the Exchequer
Khan’t Getitup of Erengrad
Boy Toy to the Tzarina
Bureau of Taxation, Bribery & Graft
No. 15 Corruption Strausse
Altdorf

Hey Youse:

We’s ere youse botering ourz goodest pal, Rufas of the Extra Large Codpiece.  Stop it.  We would be happy to discuss wit youse pers.. pursoin.. whatever, youse dis matter ins ourz sty, office.  If youse too sore after youse ben used, by dat Tzarina Ho’s wand, send youse lackies, Otto & Max.  Wese ungry, and dares more meat on dem twos den on youse skinny, behind.

Ins order to saves yous the trouble of being eaten, we would wish to to illicit certoin faxts about de incident at Bugman’s and Imperial taxes law.

1.   Would you really expect dem thick skulled stunties to’s recol… rememb…. Knows whats theys done afters a knights drainings all of Mr. B’s stash?  De's incident tis recordid on dese annals of de Brewery, ands youse letter to's Rufas of de Amazing Brain (and Extra Large Codpiece) evidenzs youse red de annals.  If tits on de Brewery its musts bee trues. 

2.   Youses seems to forgit Section 245(i) of deese Imperial Tax Cod which sayz afters alls de udder deductions,  “other unforeseen business losses”  Dat a little bitty gobo wood buy a throng of Stunties beers tiz about as unforeseen as youse can git.

In closing: don’t mess wit uz, wese lawsyers and passed de Bar.  Actually, wese pickt up de Bar and threatened to smashd de judges ead.

Wese ope youz hav a very nice day

Larry, Moe & Currly.
Attorneys at Law and Maneatng Mercenaries   

[Flagellant]

As much as I, and surely most of the other men of the Empire, like reading the career development of
the Talented mr. Rufas i believe it would be time to relocate this discussion towards the Tavern.

This in order to restore the morale of our men in the Tavern, who are, hopelessly trying to drown their troubles, of momentarilly being without a leader to lead them to battle.

(it's not up to me to tell if the outcome of the conversation will indeed improve the morale)   

[Rufas the Eccentric]

I was hoping for the Imperial Office.

[wissenlander]

Aye, I'd say Imperial Office.  This is good enough in my opinion to immortalize.  Very funny, entertaining, and frightening.

[Midaski]

Aye, I'd say Imperial Office.  This is good enough in my opinion to immortalize.  Very funny, entertaining, and frightening.

Well I thought we might edit it to keep the 'letters' and get rid of the other posts and put it in the Library - we'll all have to be nice to rufus sparkfire

Actually Wissenlander I pm'd rufus to ask if Henry Root was his inspiration - and he'd never heard of him

I remember him well however.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoax_letter_writers

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/06/27/db2701.xml

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Henry-Root-Letters/dp/1888173009

Of course 1979 was before I was born, but my grandad bought me the book. 

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Actually Wissenlander I pm'd rufus to ask if Henry Root was his inspiration - and he'd never heard of him

Of course 1979 was before I was born, but my grandad bought me the book. 

But I have heard of him now, thank you, and look forward to tracking down his work.

I'm afraid your brain is getting addled again.  1979 was the year you became a Grandfather. 

And it's Rufas not rufus.  I would not want to upset Mr. Sparkfire. Sheesh, take one day off and the place falls apart. 

[stareso]

Glad to see you made the decision most fitting with your name. Now how's about a first try at an army list? Curious to see how you would try a wizard lord list.

[Rufas the Eccentric]

June 5, 2523

The Royal Palace at Salzenmund
Johan Tweedle, Secretary for
The Most Serene Theodoric Gausser
Elector Count of Nordland
Sovereign of the North Sea
Lord of the Coast, etc, etc.

To Rufas the Eccentric
C/O Madame Rosalita’s
253 Rue de Red Light
Salzenmund

Sir:

His Serene Highness has given me the odious task of writing to you concerning the disposition of the forces that you are to take with you into the upcoming campaign in to the Drakwald.  Word has reached His Eminence’s ears that you were not happy with the prospect of leading an army composed solely of Halberdiers and the refuse from the Saturday night drunk tank.  Theodoric wishes for me to state, that if the issue were solely in His hands, he would send you into the infernal forest leading a gaggle of geese and a flock of sheep.

Fortunately for you, events conspire to dictate another outcome.  First, the Most Holy Emperor, Karl Franz has sent emissaries to Count Theoderic impressing upon him the vital importance of the Drakwald mission.  That alone cuts short your career as a shepherd.  Theoderic, is now aware of a flaw in having a wizard lead this expedition.  While useful in matters arcane, a wizard is not known for his military leadership.  We could of course send another in your place, but all other Generals and Grand Marshals are occupied or reluctant in the extreme.  Theoderic is still hoping that some happy occurrence may still befall your Eccentric self under the canopy of the trees.     

In addition, a rather ugly feud has erupted between Simon (the Self Righteous), Sigmarite Chaplin to Sigmar’s Zweihanders and Alric (the Frenzied), Chaplin to Ulric’s Hammerers.  Both holy gentlemen are arguing with great vigor for the honor to lead their unit of armored great weapons on the upcoming campaign.  In order to obtain a measure of peace, He has placed both units at your disposal.  The renowned stubbornness of these units will help compensate for your lack of understanding of military matters.  Hopefully, they will spend more time fighting your foes then they spend fighting each other.

In addition to these units with their attended detachments, a group of Sigmarite Sisters and Ulrican Fanatics has been gathering with the intent to sacrificing themselves in battle.  I doubt there is much anyone could do to dissuade them.  Still their will their fanatical zeal will also compensate.  Stick them on the flanks and they will fight till the death.

Two Companies of the Salzenmund Crossbows got into a drunken brawl this previous weekend and in the course of events tipped the carriage of Count Theoderic’s mother, Baroness, Ludmila.  I suppose you can guess what their next assignment will be.

For cavalry support, the Grand Marshall of the Knights von Richtofen has pledged two squads.  He seems to be keen to prove that his Order does not have any rubber lances.  They are still annoyed at your comments in this matter. 

How to provide the balance of the force did present a problem.  Fortunately the engineers arrived from Nuln.  They were to originally accompany you into the forest, but were put to good use.  That great hulk of rusted metal near the palace gate is undergoing a restoration.  They say that as soon as they repaint the interior, one will barely notice the smell of burnt flesh.  They have suggested rechristening the monstrosity from “Old Reliable” to “Old Unreliable” as they are absolutely refusing to provide any warranty.

You may notice that there are no cannon’s in this force, but the Count was quite insistent that with such a great wizard, cannons are unnecessary.  And he wanted to express his regret about his accidental shooting of your Pegasus while out hunting.  This was completely unintentional.  His Grace truly thought it was a duck.

Johan Tweedle
For
Theodoric Gausser

PS: Sorry for the “odious” remark.  Old Windbag always reads these things before I give them to the courier.  I do not doubt you can see through the "duck" remark.  My condolances.   Are we still on for poker Friday?  By the way, what is rubber?

Deciding to take a Wizard general I need to have a list that will copensate for the lower leadership.  Thus:

Rufas of Nordland, Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level
Mage of the Celestial College, Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
Holy Relic, Rod of Power, Ring of Volans, Barded War Horse
326 pts.

Simon the Self Righteous, Priest of Sigmar
Use Luthor Huss figure
Sword of Justice, Icon of Magnus
Heavy Armor, Shield, Barded War Horse
Chaplin to Sigmar’s Zweihanders
155 pts.

Alrick the Frenzied, Priest of Ulric
Spells are uncannily like the Priest of Sigmar
Use mounted Ulric Priest figure
Sword of Might, Doomfire Ring
Heavy Armor, Shield, Barded War Horse
Chaplin to Ulric’s Hamerers
155 pts.
     
Sigmar’s Zweihanders, 23 Greatswords, Full Command
Use standard Greatswords figures.
10 Swordsmen detachment
5 Archers detachment
360 pts.

Ulric’s Hammerers, 23 Greatswords, Full Command
Use Teutogen Guard figures.
10 Swordsmen detachment
5 Archers detachment
360 pts.

1st Squad Knights von Richtofen, 5 Knights, 115 pts.

2nd Squad Knights von Richtofen, 5 Knights, 115 pts.

1st Company Salzenmund Crossbows, 80 pts.

2nd Company Salzenmund Crossbows, 80 pts.

Sisters of Sigmar, 10 Flagellants, 100 pts.
Mordheim figures same name.

Ulric’s Lunatics, 10 Flagellants, 100 pts.

Old Unreliable, Steam Tank, 300 pts.

Total 2246 pts. 6 dispel dice, 6 power dice

[Rufas the Eccentric]

To the Esteemed General Wissenlander
Somewhere in the Talabec Borders

Dear sir:

My most profuse apologies on the delay in getting my forces to the Drackwald.  I was unavoidably delayed in Salzenmund.  First the Count's bean counters determined to reduce expenses, striped my Army of it's Steam Tank and companies of crossbows.  Then there was the unfortunate incident involving an overly obese Dwarf chick, aka Two Ton Sally, getting stuck in my chamber door at Madame Rosalita's.  Considering the difficult relations with the Imperial Dwarves of Salzenmund, it was determined by the Count's most senior advisor's that pushing her through the door would be too insulting to the Dwarvish residents of the town.  So really there was nothing to do but wait till her weight dropped enough for her to pop out of the jam on her own accord.  Thanks be to Sigmar that this is now accomplished and the I had sufficient red wine to endure the boredom.  The halfling lasses are all doing well, as well, if you're concerned.   

Right, now that that's over, I expect to be engaged this comming Saturday.  As I would imagine the military situation has changed, I await your instructions on where to best employ forces.

Your most humbled and obedient servant

Rufas of Nordland, Provisional Wizard Lord
Somewhere on the Road to Talabec

P.S.  If you ever invite a very obese Dwarf chick into your chambers, for Ulric's sake, do not offer to send out for Cathayan food.

Striped down list: http://www.warhammer-empire.com/theforum/index.php?topic=17284.0

Apologies to extremely obese Dwarf chicks everywhere.

[Rufas the Eccentric]

To the Honorable Rufas of Nordland
En route to Auenwaldheim

Good sir,

It is with great pleasure that I have recieved word of your impending arrival.  Rumors of your activity around the town of Auenwaldheim were greatly exagerated and rumors of a doppleganger had begun to spread.  Lord Midaski's plot has failed, my agents have told me, in this matter.

I implore you to move with all haste to Auenwaldheim and aid me in the defense of the town.  My contingent has merged with troops stationed at Auenwaldheim and we now have two korps in the region.  We will act as the anvil in which Commander Donnerhetz' Korps will strike as the hammer.  All foes in between will fall under our might!

We are further securing the roads and agressively expanding the breastworks around our defensive positions.  I ask for your aid in consulting the heavens as we plot next week's offensive.
Sigmar protects!

O.v.B.
Commander Talabec Region

p.s. During this strenuous time I have ordered the sentries to not allow anyone between the stature of 3'9'' and 5'' tall into our camp.  We have some issues with the rare tall halfling and the widows that have been ravaged by time, but no system is perfect. 

General Wissenlander:

Excuse the brevity of this missive.  Your orders are received and the Norland Expeditionary Forces will arrive on the fields of Auenwaldheim on the morrow and will carry the attack to any whom may oppose us.

In spite of the disturbing images forming in the mind of Colonel Star, my interest in the rotund Dwarf was purely in the interst of military intelligence. The Halfling lasses are purely a private matter.

Your most humble and obedient servant

Rufas the of Nordland 

[Rufas the Eccentric]

14th of July.

To General Wissenlander
Commander of the Talabec Borders

Engaged the enemy at Auenwaldheim (though the nemesis site would not let me record as such).

Battle 1 my 2000 point up against 2250 of Tomb Kings (learned an important leason, ask at the begining of the game).  The flanks (knights and flagellants were eatened up but the Greatsword blocks remained intact save the BSB who had a nasty blow to the head.  Result, draw.  It was interesting to see a bone giant back up rather then face a unit of Greatswords.

Battle 2 against 2000 points of a nicely painted Ogre army. Lost all four charachters in this one, though we are all expected to recover thanks to the gentle ministrations of Madame Rosalita's Traveling Vivianders who are following my army.  Still in the end my forces controlled three out of four quarters of the field and contested the fourth, so th result was again a draw.

I have heard from my sources in Nordland that reinforcements are on the way for the next series of battles.  I am hoping that they will send a brace of cannons as the lack of such was a severe handicap.

Your humble and obedient servant

Rufas of Nordland.

The 28th of July

To the Noble Lord General Wissenlander

I have the honor of reporting two satisfactory engagements in the vicinity of the abomination known as Gorks Maw.

I am pleased first to state that the Elector Count Theodoric Gausser has consented to loosen his purse strings, probably realizing I had too strong a force to insure my annihilation, but to weak to earn any glory for Nordland.  The additional force, while meager along with a slight reorganization has greatly strengthened the Nordland Expeditionary Force.  My BSB thoroughly demoralized by his injuries of two weeks ago has been sent to recuperate at Madam Rosalita's.  In his place, I have been joined by my old comrade Skeeve the Adequate giving us 7 DD and 8 PD (not to mention the Rod of Power).   

The additional units included a Great Cannon (good fellows but a bit exuberant with the powder), an additional Prophet of Doom for the Ulricans (so they can keep up with the Sigmarites) and a band of Pistoliers.  I had misgivings about the Pistoliers, as I have seen so many of dashing young souls earn a premature visit to Mor's garden. 
 
I have come to the conclusion that the Archer Detachments screening the Greatweapons were more trouble then they're worth.  So I consolidated the units, gave them a raise in pay and the new title of Huntsmen.  They were so pleased, that after an hour spent revising their resumes, they gave a exemplary performance.

On to the engagement.

Round One:  Against Chaos Mortals Near abandoned Coaching Inn.  Blacksmith shop on the left, Coaching in on the right.  Ulricans on the left. Sigmarites on the right with cannon on wooded hill behind Coaching Inn.  Huntsmen sheltering behind Inn. 

It is strange to say that I have never before had an opportunity to battle Chaos in any form.  The army had two units of 20 Warriors, two bands of 25 Marauders, two squadrons of knights, three Chariots, and group of Marauder horsemen.  Aside from the General, he only had one outclassed teenyweeny scroll caddy.   

Discovering a incantation in the BRB to allow me the opportunity to choose different lores before a battle I decided to experiment and choose the Lore of Metals while Skeeve tried the Lore of Heavens.

The first two turns were relatively uneventful.  The cannon overshot a charriot twice, the Huntsman occupied the Coaching Inn which march blocked his left flank.  I with magic I was able to significantly damage the nearest unit of Warriors bring it down to half strength.  A unit of Knights engaged my Ulrican Lunetics on my left and a Charriot hit the Sisters of Sigmar. The third crashed head long into my unit and, dare I say it into me!  We are able to survive the attacks directed at me (thanks be to Sigmar and his Holy Relic) and after two rounds of combat we destroyed the chariot   

Turn three I move a unit of Knights in position to countercharge in support of the Ulrican Lunetics and am able to charge the second knights into the Chariot attacking the Sisters.  However, a unit of Chaos Knights with the General is behind the Ulrican Knights and a Charriot is posed to hit the flank.  The Cannon has a flank shot at the Chaos General and only overshoots slightly missing the General but killing three knights.  The General fails the panic check flees into my knights for a crossfire distruction.  The chariot threatening my knights flank also fails it's panic check and flees.  A unit of warriors fails a panic check from magic and also is in flight.  I must stop here to give thanks to Sigmar (or Ulric).  In turn Four, the Chaos General's son walks over and the father explains the calamity that befell the Cannon shot.  The son says "Dad, you do remember you can re-roll psychology tests, don't you?"  Too late to go back.

At the end of turn 4, he concedes.  I have both Units of Flagellants down to less the half strength and Skeeve took a wound from a miscast yielding a total of 212 Points 1291 from him.  This would be a solid victory but consessions are recorded as Massacres. The Flagellants are happy with the victory, but a bit annoyed that they survived to see it.

Round Two:  Same table.  Against the Son's Tomb King Army.  King, Hirophant & Prince, King with Tomb Guard Hirophant with Large block of Skeletons, Prince with one of two units of Chariots.  12 heavy cavalry, Bone Giant, Screaming Skull Catapult, Unit of 10 archers, 1 Scorpion 2 stands of swarms.  My deployment identical to Round One.  Magic Lore of Light for both.

I wont go into all of the details, but there are a few highlights.  After the last of the Sisters of Sigmar died fighting the bone giant I threw everything I had from Skeeve and 8 shots from Pistoliers to try to keep it from hitting my flank, but it still had one wound.  The Huntsmen fired 9 shots at point blank range, giving three wounds.  They also took out the three remaining Tomb Guard allowing me to kill the King with a cleansing flare on turn 4.  They earned their pay raise.  The Ulrican Detachment of nine Swordmen took on the two bases of Tomb Swarms in a strait up fight and prevailed losing only one man.  The Sigmarite Detachment fled on purpose against a charge by the heavy cavalry and never rallied, but the the set up the distruction of that unit due to the failed charge.

At the end of Turn 4, he conceded with my yielding 537 points to his 1377.  It would have been a solid victory will report to GW a Massacre*.  Both units of Flagellants died to a man (or Women), one unit of knights, the cannon crew eaten by the Scorpion, and the fleeing Sigmarite Detachment.   I am extremely pleased, and more than somewhat surprised, that the dashing young Pistoliers survived both battles.  

The small changes made to my list have greatly improved it's effectiveness.

I look forward to having the opportunity to meet in person next weekend in the establishment known as Dream Wizards.

Your Humble & Obedient Servant

Rufas the E.

*Perhaps the Coaching Inn should be named Alice's Restaurant Masacre (in four part harmony) 

[Midaski]

Larry, Moe & Curley, Esquires
Alleyway behind Madame Rosilita’s
Salzenmund, Nordland

Dear Shrieks,

How nice to hear from you and may I say how pleased I am to see members of your race being so enterprising in their choice of profession – I would have expected your kind to be more at home as Realtors/Estate Agents.

I am also impressed that your client Rufas has managed to find such brainless stooges to do his bidding and make idle threats for him.

I would suggest that the three of you keep a very low profile as you are trying to operate at levels way above your station and brain abilities.
Be aware I retain Groucho and Co for any courtroom debates, and as I have yet to meet an Imperial Judge who can understand their rhetoric, be assured they will make their marx on your pathetic suits or should I say ‘loincloths’.
As to threats of violence do you think three pitiful gits stand a chance against the forces at my disposal.
Otto and Max laughed out loud and wondered if they could borrow some of the Nordland Timber Company’s “Finest Heretic Burning Stacks” for three spit roasts

Just stick to representing the locals at Madame Rosalita’s in their petty squabbles and earn yourselves a few rats, and leave ideas of mixing it with the big boys in ‘youse dreems’.


Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina

[Midaski]

Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Eccentric Wizard Lord 4th Level
Somewhere in the Drakwald

My Dear Rufas,

I have been following your exploits with interest and let me be the first to congratulate you on your recent successes.
The reports of your first two actions against our enemies did cause much mirth, once I had established you had survived of course – I never wish to see people who owe me money perish, unless I have arranged it of course.

However I have to say I am impressed with the latter victories as I would never have believed that both the opposing Generals would wimp out before the battle was even properly finished – you will forgive me if I find it hard to believe that a tall but spindly ragged wizard can instil such fear – good job those pictures of you in the nappy/diaper at Madame Rosalita’s haven’t circulated too far outside of Salzenmund and Altdorf.

Anyway I would suggest that you might fare even better if you were spending less time consorting with Esmer, and continuing to offer those scraps of parchment you call indulgences.
Indeed your recent rants about Slaaneshy practices seemed somewhat hypocritical bearing in mind some of the positions you seem to have got into wearing the aforementioned nappy/diaper.

I am also not entirely convinced that the “Nordland Timber Company” has truly ceased trading as you claim – rumours of several sacks of some black powdery substance disappearing on carts in to the Laurelorn forest have come to my attention, and I am also informed that your ‘slate’ at Madame Rosalita’s has been fully paid up.


Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina


PS: Oh and you may need to find some new legal representation as Larry, Moe and Curley have had an unfortunate incident with a spitroast, apparently some brave (?) skaven found the scent of roasting ogre very tempting.

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina
Hiding under his bed,
Dumkoff Strase
Altdorf, Reikland

Dear Frail One: 

Wese furst vishes to tank you for de vunderbar snack Youse sent usses.  Vhiles most of our less litterAte kin prefer tos et deir ratsies vhole, Vese vish to shares wit youse our fav recipe.  Firsties, flay de ratsies very carefully.  If its faints dip in cold vater til its vakes ups.  Des marinades tis de bestes parts: Ones galleons lemons juices, ones galleons Tabasco saused, ones pounds salts.  Dipp de concious ratsies ins de marinades.  Enjoys de screems.  Rostes over an opens fire tils de skins is crispes but de insides tis still wiggly and screemsies.  Svallows vhole.

Ves should points outs, de same recepie works for humies too, ifs youse gits ours meaning.

Viths respects to yours new counselors, Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, & Gummo:  Deys certainlies puts ups a gud shew in de courtsrooms.  Ves most apreciates your retaining dem.  Nows Ve can drags out des proceedings evens more longer and bills yous and Rufas, evens mores golds peices to supports uss in des manners to vhich ves becomes accustomes. Vees always goes drinking wit de Marx Brothders ands der momsies, Minnie Marx.

Lookins forwards to seeing youes ats our next barbeque!

Larry, Moe, & Curly, Esquires,

P.S. Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck! 

[Rufas the Eccentric]

31st of July

Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina

My dear sir,

It is always a pleasure to hear from you.  I am confused, as I can assure you that I have never worn a nappy since the days that I was wet nursed by my lovely Helga with the most amazing pair of.... Never mind, my father insisted that 13 was old enough to be weaned.  Perhaps you are confusing me with Rufus the Concentric?  People are always getting us confused.

Anyhow, I have just received a copy of the letter my solicitors have forwarded to your esteemed self.  From the sounds of it, you may be the one needing the nappy.  I would try my best to avoid any invitations to barbeque's in Salzenmund.

While I do have a small stock of timber available, the operation is no longer a commercial venture.  Rather, I keep it ready to burn the most dangerous of heretics on a pro bono basis only.  Think of it as a charitable/religious donation.  Come to think of it, I must tell the Pink Goblin to be certain to write it off on my next tax return.

Now I do have a military issue to discuss with your esteemed self.  It is gratifying to have foes depart the fields so easily, but they recognized the truth.  If you find it hard to believe that they would be frightened of a gangly wizard, you can comfort your self in the delusion that it was only two large blocks of greatweapons and not the 8-10 power dice that put fear into their hearts.

Still as good as the current force is, I am always looking for improvements.  Now I carry the Icon of Magnus in to battle with Sigmar's Zweihanders.  But the Ulric's Hammers, do not benefit and could be unduly influenced by fear or terror.  Now I could recruit Luthor Huss, but as you know, we have not seen eye to eye on matters (He refuses to appreciate the commercial value of the indulgence racket enterprise).  In any event, he would never serve with Ulricans, and they would constantly be making rude gestures and telling dirty stories just to annoy him. 

However, it is a little know fact that Luthor has a twin brother, Biff Huss, an Ulrican Priest with the exact same attributes as his more famous brother.  He wants 25 Gold Marks more a month than my current Ulrican Priest, Alrik the Frenzied, but his fearsome visage is enough to grant the Ulricans protection against fear and a measure of protection against terror.  It seems worth it to me to make the change, and I am sure I can scrounge the money somewhere, but the real question is: How many discount coupons to Madame Rosalita's will it take to to compensate for poor Alrik's hurt feelings?

Yours truly

Rufas of Nordland
Defending Your Sorry Ass
Somewhere in the Drakwald

P.S. Somehow this dialog has moved from the Imperial Office to the Electors Forum.
Do not assume for one minute that I am intimidated by the exercise of power on your part. 

[Midaski]

31st July                 
(bloody fast these magical carrier pigeons)



Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Eccentric Wizard Lord 4th Level
Somewhere in the Drakwald
With his sorry ass surrounded by men with 'big swords'.




My Dear Rufas,

No confusion – indeed I am sure that it was the good rufus the concentric who wielded his powers to move this discourse back to the EF – and as he and I move in the same powerful circles ( ) we are well acquainted – you may possibly recall through the addled mists of magic mushrooms that he accompanied me on last year’s expedition to repel the inhuman invading forces from Marienburg.

If you wish to dispute the nappy story I would be quite pleased to call up the editor of the Salzenmund Enquiror, my good friend Sir Rupture Murdoc and let him put the evidence out for ‘public’ debate.
Theodoric 'The Puritan' Gausser might have an interesting comment or two to make ……………..

Anyway as to your current endeavours I can heartily recommend Biff as I know him well. It is interesting how he and Luthor mirror the past, and Sigmar’s rise from worshipping Ulric to equality with the older god.
I am told Luthor idolised his older brother, but then reached an age where he had to leave his brother’s shadow and make his own mark on our world.

I would be somewhat surprised if you meant that Biff was actually receiving payment for his services, when I knew him he would ensure his patrons made donations to the Sisters of Ulric care homes where weary priests could go for rest and recuperation.
You may well consider this a more appropriate place of solace for Alrik, though do not try to cloud the issue with ‘discount coupons’ at Madame R’s as you and I both know of yours and Esmer’s financial interests in that establishment. The concept of ‘cheap entry’ and very expensive ‘extras’ is not very original, but hey, why should I expect ‘original’ after the Nordland Timber Company.

Mention of the Pink Goblin reminds me firstly that if you don’t settle this year’s outstanding tax return, you are hardly likely to be around to submit one next year.
It also reminds me that the gobbo acting as a scribe for three dead ogres is not going to work. The PG’s scrawl is known to me, as you forget I have seen the comedy novel that is the aforementioned tax return, and Otto and Max brought back trophies after the spit roast and they have become an immediate success on Romano’s Grand Coconut Shy in the Market Square – rather than knock their heads off the poles, Romano challenges his punters to see if they can land the balls in their big gobs.

The Emperor informs me that he foresees an end shortly to the current campaign, so let me assure you that I pray daily for your survival and return to my jurisdiction safer climes.


Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina

[Rufas the Eccentric]

August 1st

Lord Midaski,
Imperial Chancellor
Yada Yada Yada

I must telly that I so enjoy these illuminating discussions and your idle threats.

We all know that Sir Rupture is a journalist of the highest quality  who would never stoop to publishing the obviously fanciful paintings of me in a nappy........Ha, I had you going there for a moment.  Sir Rupture's reputation stretches from Albion to Lustria and on to the land of Oz.  Gadzooks!  I just realized that Oz is missing from the Warhammer World map!  Does this mean Warlord has been treading water all these years?  Oh well, back to the topic, Sir Rupture is busy with his acquisition of the Maure Strasse Journal so I needn't worry.  Besides the painting is obviously a fake and painted by a Chaos infected mind.  Johann will see that both are consigned to the cleansing fires soon enough.

I do note that you seem to be unaware of the Imperial Postal Service's Decree # 73:  All pigeons failing to meet their timeliness quota, shall be transfered to the Imperial Engineers Guild for retraining.  The decree has had an explosive effect on efficiency.

You should really be careful about Otto and Max.  I have on good authority from M. Roaslita that Larry Moe and Curly are fine and well, and only suffering from a slight case of indigestion.  In addition the P.G. has received their latest bill.  Do you at all realize that by bringing the Marx Brothers in to this minor tax disputes you are threatening the very financial underpinnings of the Empire.  One set of lawyers is bad enough.  A pair is a disaster.  Anyway back to Otto and Max, I am sure this is a mere misunderstanding between you and them.  Still be careful, there are many con men whom prey on the elderly and feeble minded.

I have just received word from General Wissenlander of a 3000 point engagement to take place 30 miles to the south of here on Saturday.  I have quickly revised my list and you should be pleased to note I have found room to include some of your kinsmen archers in the force.

Hoping that the prunes start to do their work on your bowels.

I remain yours,

Rufas the E. 

 

[Rufas the Eccentric]

Copied for preservation

well they can just make the reiksguard a rare choice and that would reduce the amount of steam tanks there are. Just make them not stubborn, or stubborn if led by a general (makes them actually worth taking!) and be like 9 points.

The Ecclesiastical Court is now in session in the matter of the Holy Church of Sigmar v. Kiron of (where's he from?)

Herr Kiron you are hereby charged with the heinous crime of Threadomancy, and Failure to use Proper Capitalization.
How do you plead to these accusations, you vile dog? 

Vell, I didn't know it was wrong.

Fool, do you not know "ignorance of the law is no excuse"?

Vell, everyone seems to like the revival of the discussion, even his Most Serene Highness, Emperor Grutch.

So you dare excuse yourself by dragging others down in your foul pedifry?  Furthermore, with all due respect to the Emperor, it is well known that he is under the influence of a vile cabal of Marienburgers.  The others whom have conspired in the vile threadomantic plot are under observation and may in the future be called to answer for their crimes.  Your guilt on Count One is incontrovertible.  On to Count Two:  Call the schoolmarm! 

Please state your name and position for the Court.

I'm Ms. Smythe-Jones and I teach first and second grade at St. Mungo's Academy for the Criminally Insane.

And Did you teach the defendant, Herr Kiron, and is he in fact criminally insane?

I taught him for both 1st and 2nd grades.  We really refer to our young charges a being "special".  It's so much better for their self esteem.

Yes, er... Well, special won't save his neck now.  Did you, or did you not, teach the boy about the proper use of capitalization?

Oh, he was quite good about capital letters then.  In fact that's all he used.  I can't help but think that it's the new technology that has led to his downfall.  At St. Mungo's, he was only allowed to use crayons. These keyboards with their "Shift" & "Caps Lock" keys is more then the poor little tyke can deal with.  He's special, you see.

Er.... Yes, no further questions.

Hey, vhat about me?  Don't I get to cross examine?

You are allready charged with two serious offenses.  Do you want to add spreading revolutionary sedition to the charges as well.  We can add flaying in addition to the burning and the hanging if your really wish.  Cross examination... my word.  The silly notions that young ones have today.

Herr Kiron, stand before the Court to hear your sentence.  You are hereby convicted of Thredomancy in the 1st Degree and sentenced to be burned at the stake till well done.  With respect to the second count, Improper use of Capitalization in the 3rd Degree, you are found guilty.  However, in account of the fact that you are indeed "Special", the standard penalty of hanging by the neck till dead will not be imposed.  Rather you are to be tickled for 24 hours strait by the six Halfling lasses from Madame Rosalita's.   

May Sigmar have Mercy on your soul.

Do not expect a pardon.  Who do you think you are? Scooter Libby?

[Wyzer1]

lol, I followed that last entry closely 

[Gneisenau]

There's just no way a topic that yields quotes like this

With his sorry ass surrounded by men with 'big swords'.

should be allowed to descent into the oblivion of the EF.

Mind if I join?

August the 6th

From
Sir Rupture Murdoc
“He Who Enlightens The Common People”
Salzenmund



To
Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Eccentric Wizard Lord 4th Level
Somewhere in the Drakwald


My dear Rufas,

Now, was there really any reason for that? Just because that bloody tax-gathering Kislevite threatens you with some silly painting, you have to go and remind him of my most recent acquisition? It’s a small one, really not worth talking about, but we both know he will find some obscure provision that allows him to charge me extra taxes for it! Where you deceived by the fact that he calls me his “good friend”? I tell you, with friends like that, one needs no enemies! He only calls me “friend” because my town crier and public theatres company “Fuchs des 20. Jahrhunderts” (one idiotic name my predecessor came up with) accounts for one half of his total revenue in Salzenmund! It would be more if I wouldn’t keep the costs low by using trained monkeys to write the plays for the theatres. But that’s between you and me, hm?

Anyway, now I have that tax bill right here on my desk, because as soon as the old scrooge received your letter, he remembered me and my little enterprise. It says I’m to pay “acquisition tax”, whatever that means. He’s so creative, isn’t he? I still shudder when I remember the day when he came up with a “world domination tax” I was allegedly bound to pay – ridiculous! As if a man who employs a meager 95% of all town criers in the empire would be able to dominate anything.

So here’s me, wondering what my old pal Rufas is going to do about that bill? I’m sure as hell (edited) heck not going to go uncompensated for it. Since I know you’re only a couple of coins away from insolvency – despite your recent promotion – I’ve quickly given up hope that there’s any money to gain from you. They way I see it, there are two options:
First, a one year contract with your Nordland timber company (oh, and save your whining that it doesn’t exist any more – nice try!), which would be of course a one-sided contract only, let’s say: a “donation” from you for our continuing friendship. What I’m doing with all the firewood is of course my business alone.
Alternatively, I could live with a full-time access to Madame Rosalita’s for my employees, to gather the odd piece of dirty information on the customers. I’ve heard that there are some pretty famous among them, and such “secrets” would be much nicer on a front cover than, say, the picture of a wizard in a nappy, if you catch my meaning.

Send me a pigeon with you decision, will you? Or, if you wait for a week, you can send the pigeon with your decision to really everybody you want, as I’m going to acquire the Pigeon Postal Service on Friday anyway.

Take care in the Drakwald,
S. R. M.

P.S.: I see that you have employed some “big guys” to help you in your business. Good choice! There's a happy member of the big family that is my company who is... vertically advantaged as well. I’ve have used him with great succes to “flatten out” competition. No more details. Suffice to say that they don’t call him “Mr. Stompy” for nothing.

[Midaski]

Welcome Gneisenau - actually the earlier parts did make the Library, but there seems to be some life left in it at the moment -
we seem to have lost the odd Vampire along the way.

To
Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Eccentric Wizard Lord 4th Level
Somewhere in the Drakwald

My Dear Rufas,

I am pleased to hear you survived your latest disaster – however the Emperor and I would have both hoped your supposed sorcerers skills could have coped with the odd demonic legion, and a few pesky pointy hats.
Indeed KF whipped off a quick pigeon to the Celestial College asking if anyone there had actually seen you actually cast a fireball or such.

My sources also tell me that Rupture has been in touch – no doubt he is concerned about your ‘sorry ass’
 - what concerns me, and should concern you too, is what his plans for said ‘sorry ass’ actually are.
Does he intend for The Sun to ‘shine’ out of it, or has he plans to shove something large and spiky where The Sun doesn’t shine.

I would be very wary if Teri Hatcher turns up wearing nothing but a fur coat and black stockings – indeed I would send her away immediately – just tell the sedan chairmen to drop her off at my place.
I’ll happily deal with her for you – fur enough?

I hope that Rupture doesn’t feel that you also owe him money, now that would be a sorry state of affairs, in fact your future could well sky out of control.

What does amaze me is that with all the Nordland Timber Company’s activity you never took the opportunity to use some of the timber rather than burn it – I mean Rupture might have paid top dollar for a good fir.

Anyway I trust you will be able to avoid the battlefield for a while so you can rest up and check your ‘wand’ is working properly at Madame Rosalita’s, and do not be tempted to let Baron Tabloid get too involved there either. [I see you have admitted your part ownership now – has the PG recorder the Capital Gains Tax correctly?]
The back room goings on are a great source of information for the Empire and we wouldn’t want them broadcast all over the place now would we.


Lord Midaski
Press & Town Crier Ombudsman
Public Entertainment Censor
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina


PS
Max and Otto are totally reliable, and as I was watching from the coach I know what went on – I did have a baked potato, but roast ogre is just too chewy for my aged teeth.
I would suggest the PG gets a forgery expert to look at the last few invoices from “Larry, Moe and Corpses” – someone at Madame R’s seems to be trying to make a fast ducat – how unusual.