and other reasons for carrying 2 dice in your pocket whenever you go out drinking.
By Vann Harl
One dark and stormy night … 2 drunken gamers were arguing about whose turn it was to buy the next tankard of ale, in a fit of inebriated intelligence they rolled a d6, rolled off ties until a winner was declared and the loser paid.
This little scene led to an animated and hilarious comparison between Warhammer rules and life. I will faithfully try to recall some of these multifaceted yet simple rules…
1) First your leadership
This is a game of leadership; it will be your most important attribute and affect your playing style and strategies.
Take your age.
Subtract the difference in age between you and your spouse (big difference equals good!)
Ps. This rule goes for female gamers as well. Rules for the all girl army will be dealt with in the Wo-Man Army book, which is still under construction. In fact the designers have lost the plot, the pages and the initiative to complete the army book due to a mysterious illness reportedly brought about by mystical enchantments But hope to have it out before the next season of the sitcom “Friends”. In the mean time, We announce the release of the new Ogre Rule Book.
Ogres may be purchased as Dogs of War units for clan “goodlookin” Wo-Man armies only. Infact you will seldom see aclan “goodlookin” Wo-Man army without an Ogre unit.
Multiply it by the age of your car. (If you have more then one choose the newest) old age plus old car is not looking good but at least you have experience!
Divide this by the number of children you have and subtract their combined ages. (If you have none then don’t worry, the older your kids the more “worldly” experience you have and the higher your Ld will be)
Subtract d6 just because.
Ps this is not game tested
On to the serious stuff.
2) Bar Scenario Rules
These rules can be used with your own special scenarios, we suggest objective based games, although playing for the fun of it is what most of us do.
These rules work well in the following scenarios in any game size although we don’t encourage you to play by yourself:
· Nightclub
· Local Pub
· House party
· Weddings
· Funerals (Irish only)
· Do not use these rules for ‘Office party’ this scenario has its own rules.
First round of drinks
Roll a d6 highest chooses what he would like, keep in mind that if you order an imported beer at twice the price you might have to repay the favour next round.
The loser buys first round, then the winner buys the next round and so on until either player is forced to take and fails a ‘Stupidity’ test, the game is called off, either player wins the objective.
Tequila
Take a toughness test after drinking tequila. Subtract 1 for every 3 previous rounds. You may not use a ‘Dispel Scroll’ when tequila is offered.
Dutch Courage*
Each beer adds +1 to your Ld when forced to make ‘Fear’ tests.
Dutch Courage s a special ability that adds provides immunity to fear. In addition, treat ‘Terror’ as ‘Fear’ when using this ability.
After d6 beers and d3 tequilas you can use the ‘Dutch Courage’ special ability.
When using the ‘Dutch Courage’ ability beware that you might have to take ‘Stupidity’ tests or be unable to resist ‘Beer Goggles Blind’ (see Chapter on Spells)
Because of the fickle nature of beer a double 6 will always fail when rolling fear tests.
Note: girls don’t have to make stupidity test after d6 beers (glasses of wine) and d3 tequilas, they make ‘Emotional Breakdown’ test. This special rule is discussed in the Wo-Man Army rulebook.
3) Psychology
Fear tests
Take fear tests are taken in the following circumstances
· Running out of bog roll in a public toilet.
If you pass, you have the courage to duck walk to the next cubicle in search of toilet roll, exposing yourself to em-bare-ass-ment. If you fail you must ask your neighbour.
· Approaching girls.
When charging any unit of Wo-man first make an animosity test against each (Male) character in your army, a 1 fails and you must roll off on a d6 to see who must make the first move.
If ALL animosity tests are passed add +1 to your LD for each Male character in your army (this is known as the strength in numbers special rule)
Therefore, if an animosity was failed you do not get +1 Ld bonuses for each male character.
Subtract 1 from your leadership for every Wo-man in the opposing army (this is known as the ‘Fear-Outnumber’ special rule)
Make a ‘Fear’ test against your Ld if the targets are determined to be in charging ‘league’. (If you are not in their ‘league’ you automatically fail, however they may still charge you – which can be a good thing J)
If you fail the fear test your friends may ridicule you and denigrate you as the ‘beer wench’.
Terror tests
Make a ‘Terror’ test under the following circumstances:
· You mother/ wife/ girlfriend comes home early to discover you have been drinking and smoking. Only characters with the ‘Bachelor’ special rule are immune to these terror-causing creatures.
· You wake up and there is an Ogre in your bed (this is usually found after the ‘Desperate Defence” scenario and 2d6 beers and 2d6 tequilas)
Panic tests
· When you lose your cell phone, lock your keys in the house/ car when its raining
· You realise the phone number you got last night from the clan ‘goodlookin’ Wo-man character is written on a note you left in the pocket of your jeans you put in the washing machine.
If you have a cell phone you are immune to this panic, unless you played the ‘Dutch Courage’ special ability and failed your stupidity test.
· When you realise you forgot an anniversary date (Bachelors immune)
· You arrived home with one less kid (Bachelors immune)
· Your teacher gives you a surprise test. (Bachelors and Parents Immune)
· You have no more beer money. Veteran gamers will know how to use their beer wench to counter this, and/ or ensure the bartender keeps an eye out for you.
Note:(Youngling Generals are not allowed any tactics in ‘the bar’)
4) Working out Combat Resolution
· For every character (including opponent) engaged in combat army add +1. Use your characters to distract or divert Ogres! If you go alone you might be ‘Fear-Outnumbered’! However, if you outnumber the Wo-Man you might have to take further animosity tests with your characters! Use your support units to distract wisely
· For each cocktail you buy the Wo-man character add +1 (if you buy cocktails for the whole Wo-Man group you still add only +1, its an expensive trick but my just tip the balance in your favour)
Study your target carefully, some may be ‘Stubborn’ or ‘Unbreakable (usually identified by the much feared “ball ’n chain” ring.) Stick to the objective!
5) Magic
Spells
Spells of particular note:
Coming of Cassandra’s Vacuum. Bachelors have a free dispel against this. Youngling Generals lose 2 dispel dice and Characters bound by the Ball ‘n Chain ring lose 1dispel dice.
Spells and Prayers you wish you had:
Van hels dance Macabre. When you are late for work/ date.
You name the prayer and I’ll give you a situation! I’m sure we could all do with a ‘Soul fire’ in traffic jams,
Dispel Scrolls:
Wash the dishes - Dispel Scroll!
Take out the trash - Dispel Scroll!
Tequila! – No you may not use a Dispel Scroll!
Wash the car, mow the lawn, fix this, fix that, homework, ironing, washing, cleaning, Mother-in-Law! DISPEL SCROLL!!
Mind you, I wouldn’t mind a Rod of Power that stores brownie points to use on my girlfriend!
But, do I choose a RoP or dispel scrolls?
Magic Resistance
Ah yes, sometimes you need to resist the ‘sometimes’ subtle charms of the fairer sex.
The most feared spell of the game is ‘Titillating Desires’ which can be cast on you or your favourite character. Clan ‘goodlookin’ Wo-Man armies that have the 'Cleavage' bonus can cast this for free once per game (she wont try again and will sulk if you successfully dispel this)
Items such as the ‘Ball ‘n Chain’ ring or ‘Beer Belly’ add magic resistance to this spell but are not immune!
Important note: Ogres can’t cast this spell, however, they do have a nasty bound spell item called “Beer Goggles Blind”. Also See Terror checks and the ‘Dutch Courage’ special rule. After using Dutch Courage special rule have another d6 beers, on a roll of 5 or 6 you become unable to resist this bound spell, no dispel dice can save you, only friendly characters in a 3 foot radius not engaged in combat can save you.
…. not much later, as the two gamers sat chuckling over their d6 beers, two pretty ladies asked to join their table. A knowing look was passed between the two gamers, and dice were rolled.
Cheers
Vann Harl
*Authors note on Dutch Courage
This is not poking fun at the Dutch. But rather a term commonly used by us. Dates back to a phrase coined by British soldiers who noticed Dutch Soldiers drinking a potion before going into battle making them fearless - this potion was Dutch Gin