Keeping the strife in one, and out of the other
By Midaski
Every so often in one of the esteemed areas of our hobby, maybe in a post, or an article in White Dwarf, there is a subtle reference to the conflict between pursuing our hobby and passion, and the more mundane demands of life The amusing anecdotes of scribe Mike Walker often have little domestic asides, and I am waiting for a certain mugshot on the WD editorial page to start appearing with a big thumb above the spectacles and follicly challenged area.
All the time, dear reader, you have websites and magazines with pictures and features to inspire, amuse and enthral; articles enthusing about armies and action, models and mayhem, scenarios and scenery… you want to read, you want to model, you want to convert, you want to paint, and you want to play!
BUT, do you get enough time, do you have the space, the facilities, do you Sigmar!
It could be the spouse, (I was going to say wife, but I know that there are some inspired ladies, and I shall try not to be sexist... no really), it could be the parents, and it could be the clients for your taxi service - the children.
There is the dining room table, or the floor that has to be cleared up on turn 3, because “dinner is ready” or “I want to hoover/vacuum”.
There’s; “Don’t you dare get paint/glue/flock on the carpet/tablecloth, etc.”
Or maybe; “Let’s all do something together today.”
And then it could be; “We’re going to see my friend and her husband”
And worst of all; “I want to go shopping!”
No man has all the answers, and short of winning the lottery and retiring, with servants to do all the housework, maintenance, gardening, taxiing the family around, and household chores, and then creating your own Warhammer World in a 40’ x 20’ gaming room, let’s face it, we’re going to have to compromise.
However I think this worthy website should make some space for regular contributions and tips on how to boost ‘quality time’ and claim vital areas of domestic space, and I would like to kick things off with a few suggestions and observations.
TIME:
The phrase ‘veteran gamers’ is used quite often in our hobby, and as the ‘veteran’ refers to the length of time one has been involved with gaming rather than one’s ripening age, it doesn’t really apply to me, as in gaming terms I am but a young sprog, - maybe some day I’ll become a ‘veteran veteran gamer’?
Have some sympathy – that sign of age, about the policemen looking young, could apply to me, and is made even worse every time I visit a GW store. However, ever the philanthropist, I worry for all these enthusiastically devoted youths in danger of being dashed on the battlements of a ‘relationship’.
How many armies have been consigned to the loft, or somewhere worse, (a car boot sale?), under pressure from the ‘joys’ of domestic bliss?
Beware! There are some notable gamers past 40 (or 50), but they are undoubtedly a minority.
In an effort to improve the percentages I offer the following observations, and no jokes about needing 25 pages to do the introduction to “Understanding Sexes other than Male”.
You want a night gaming. Suggest to your other half you can’t make your mind up between two choices, - the game, OR a night clubbing or pubbing with the lads... which do you think will get recommended for you?
This is very useful in the early stages, and also enhances those ‘partner’ qualities – they know you’re somewhere safe; you are not wasting money on drunken nights out. (Strange isn’t it – you can have a few beers over a game, with little or no moaning; roll in from the pub and your eardrums are in danger of bursting).
Partner Hobbies:
Bearing in mind how attractive our hobby is, and if after all your entreating and best efforts, you are by some remote chance, unable to persuade your partner to join us, then do be sure to encourage whatever interest they may have. Now I said encourage, I did NOT say participate.
Time to herself, is also time to yourself.
Be sure to promote an activity that complements your needs – if, for example you play games at your house, then an activity for you partner, away from home for 2-3 hours, is just the job.
Use the Television:
Encourage the watching of soaps and serials, - you have to watch initially and then you can develop a reason not to, such as: “I can’t stand that actor”.
With studied use of the TV schedules, suddenly you can conjure up all sorts of time.
This can even be combined to great effect with the kids taxi service. Volunteer to taxi, - yes volunteer, - but after careful consideration of TV programming.
You know the programmes likely to appeal to your other half. Encourage them to watch, but there’s no point in you watching because you will not be able to see it all - you’ll be out collecting the kids, (for all of 5 minutes sometimes) AND you get brownie points if you make sure they can see it uninterrupted – which are then traded at a later date… when the kids unexpectedly want picking up on turn 4.
Have sons:
They are bound to show some interest at some time and that can be nurtured. Your involvement is ‘good parenting’, and allows you the time to make gaming an accepted part of domestic bliss, even if the boys are ‘distracted’ later by such things as Playstations, Cubes, Gameboys etc., or even Girls.
Your sons can also have friends who play, - and they have dads who probably have some knowledge or involvement, but haven’t made the decision to ‘come out’, admit they enjoy it and want their own army. Once they know you actively play, they can easily be encouraged, especially if you suggest the ‘adults only’ game with a few beers… which leads on to …
Non-Playing Friends:
New partners often bring new friends, particularly ‘couples’, and you get different reactions from the different sexes.
With male acquaintances you may have to suffer the sniggers of the ‘toy soldiers’ attitude, and I usually beat them to it by using the term before they do – then when they see the quality of the miniatures, you can generally see widening eyes, the wistful recalling of childhood experiences, and attitudes can change.
This is to be nurtured especially if the respective partners are good friends, - if you can create a new convert, then it’s quite easy to suggest the partners get together, and while they’re having a good old gossip, - sorry, chat, - or even better, going shopping together, you and your new convert can be gaming.
With new female friends they make think ‘big kid’ but they won’t generally say it.
However the point made earlier in this dissertation about ‘a night out with the lads’ soon kicks in, and your attempts at conversion might actually get support, as your company is considered ‘safe’.
Very basically, if ‘Fred’ is round at your house playing Warhammer, he’s not chatting up some bird in the pub!
SPACE.
We need space to play, space to model and space to paint…
If you are sharing your home with anybody, you have compete for the space, and you want permanent space – it’s much better – think of all that time you waste unpacking and clearing away!
The best thing I ever did, was convert our garage into a playroom. The choice of words is very important – ‘playroom’ has a connotation of ‘for the children’. You know it’s going to be a ‘Gaming Room’, but that terminology is going to produce all the wrong images in your partner’s head.
The conversation started with:
“It’s full of junk, we never put the car in it.”
And then went on along the following lines:
“It could be so useful, we could make it multifunctional”
Her concept: Just one potentially messy room with all the kids’ toys in, - I can just shut the door on it, and maybe their bedrooms will be stay tidier.
It can be a guest room for visitors.
When the kids are older, they can have their own TV/Music etc in there, and NOT in MY lounge.
Your concept: Modelling room, Painting Room, Battle Room. (Maybe even a space for the fridge for the cold beers – I am still working on this one.)
Now, you can just back up the ‘multifunctional’ promise quite simply with a bit of planning.
In my case it was ‘designed’ as a future guestroom: ( a guestroom that obviously would need lots of shelves - for models and scenery, the White Dwarfs and all the Army books etc.)
There were power points on one wall either side of the ‘imaginary’ bed, there was a tall cupboard or ‘wardrobe’: “I’ll just shelve it out for now, I can remove them later and put a hanging rail in, dead easy, dear”.
And then there was the ‘dressing table’ with more low cupboards underneath: “If we put this big board over the top, it’ll protect it all, if the boys are painting and gluing!”
And finally “If we put a big table up in the middle, it will give the kids somewhere to play on, and, (the 100% banker) … they will have somewhere nice to do their homework”.
Now, prior to this project, whilst it was still in the planning stages, there had been the problem of what to do with all the junk in it. Ok some of it would be thrown, but there is always some you just have to keep.
I had to find somewhere to put it, and never one to miss an opportunity……………..
I had constructed a healthy shed some 10’ x 5’ a few years ago and obviously what was needed was an extension!
Thus a new ‘storage’ area, an impressive 11’ x 6’ appeared coming off the original. No I haven’t got a huge garden, well not any more, (boom boom!). No, the ‘shed’ covers about 20% of it; come on, - what’s more important, acres of grass to mow, or gaming?
This generous sizing of the garden storage area was (have you guessed) not really necessary for the amount of ‘junk’ from the garage. However there was just enough room at one end for an old 5’ x 2’6” desk, and several empty shelves on the side walls, (“just creating room for expansion, dear”).
This just happened to be ideal situation for storing all those materials necessary for scenery making projects, and conveniently providing the surface area for such craft work.
Beware of Over Confidence:
So you have sorted out some time and space to play. Well there are still difficulties to endure, and even after you think you’ve been oh so clever you can still get caught!
Let me explain my policy for buying my models. In a ‘relationship’ your spending is monitored, believe me. I usually apply the following tactics:
You want a new miniature? Timing is everything.
You know exactly how much it will cost, BUT you should realise how much extra it will cost you! Exactly how much can be controlled.
If you buy it first, the ‘backlash will be an uncontrolled spending spree; if, however, you suggest first that your partner ‘treats’ themselves to one of the many “I quite fancy that” items, gently dropped in your ear recently, you can limit the damage – it should be something just above the cost of your order; if their ‘present’ costs more, then the brownie points start building.
Great theory, but then I didn’t follow my own advice:
You see, I really needed a large mail order for my Kislev army, and I failed to plan properly, and the ‘retaliation’ was a very, very expensive bicycle.
Then it got worse.
A big expensive bicycle has to be stored somewhere… and, in retrospect, I did not err enough on the side of caution; I should have realised that my nice big shed might be seen as somewhere nice to store other people’s stuff. Indeed as the kids got bigger, they needed bigger bikes. So now I have to fight my way past 3 bikes to get to my scenery ‘studio’.
Actually it wasn’t all bad. The expensive bicycle is surprisingly active as a regular ‘partner hobby’, and it gets an outing every Sunday morning for anything up to an hour and a half, when the other half goes cycling with her friends… and it can be longer, if there is a particular item of ‘local interest’ to discuss, and a lot, lot longer if they go back somewhere for coffee to discuss it further!
It can be very peaceful and fulfilling from about 7.45am onwards in the ‘playroom’, especially as teenage children are not renowned for crawling out of their pits at the weekend before noon.
IT’S YOUR FUTURE.
Day in, day out, somebody generally talks about your future.
Study hard. Get a good education. Work Hard. Earn Lots of Money. Save for a Pension. Think about your Retirement, and all the other helpful advice blah, blah, blah.
But what about enjoying your leisure time, and retirement? Are you prepared for the old folks clubs, gardening, scrabble, and ‘keep fit’ for the over 60s, or can you imagine yourself still playing Warhammer?
Whatever age you may be now, the fact you are reading this means you are an enthusiast. You may say you’ll always be one, but the world is full of “I used to play that – it was great” people.
Who can tell what perils and distractions may tempt you from the path, and if these words can inspire you to fight to maintain your hobby, or contribute ideas to help save others, then I have done my bit for Sigmar.
My friends we regularly battle the forces of evil across our gaming tables, but you should realise a few of us realise that it does not stop there.
Remember in the real world we inhabit, there is no Grand Theologist and there are no Witch Hunters, we have only our own strength of will. If you defect, or slip from the path, you have in fact succumbed to the whisperings and taint of the dark forces without even realising…
Join me for I am pure of heart 24/7.