Marienburg, May 21, 2523
From the desk of Johann Esmer, Vice Theoginist
Holy Church of Sigmar
To Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
My dear Rufas:
I hope this missive find you well and recuperating for your recent encounter with the Bretonnian war band. My deepest sympathies on the death of your good friend, General Nikse, at the end of the hostilities. If it is of any consolation my source tell me that the lord and his standard bearer took questing vows following their disgraceful retreat. They perished when they charges a small group of Goblins who occupied a small island in a bog.
Well, that is neither here or there. General Nikse’s death was a deep lost to the people. Count Theoderic has been asked to put together a force to enter the Drakwald to search for some silly Dwarvish bauble. Now he also is deeply worried about reports of Norsecan and Dark Elf fleets off the coast. Between the Chaos campaign, the recent spate of witch burnings and the loss of General Nikse, Theoderic is awfully short of experienced commanders.
What does all of this have to do with you, you may ask? I must tell you how deeply grateful the Church is with your help in rooting out the taint of chaos amongst the nobility. It is true that some of the burned now appear to be completely innocent, but you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, I always say. And the incident concerning Theoderic’s brother-in-law and childhood friend. Well, if he had just properly sank when thrown in the pond…. Anyway, your offer to purchase an Indulgence at full retail price for the departed soul was a noble, if unappreciated gesture.
It is your zeal in the marketing of my indulgences that commends your position to my attention. Work of the Vice Theoginist’s palace is proceeding quite well thanks in large part to your efforts. It seems to me that your efforts in the Celestial Order, valued as they are, may not be your true calling. As a minor wizard, no offense intended, you have not the authority to lead an army in battle.
There is an opening for a Lectorship in Nordland. It has all of the rights and authority of the Arch Lectorship, even if the salary is a bit lower. Another advantage, your remuneration would be exempt from taxation, finally freeing you from the attentions of Lord Midaski, Imperial Exchequer. Also in your capacity as a provincial Lector, I can place at your disposal one previously owned War Alter, just as soon as we can wash off the blood stains. Of course, it goes without saying, if you accept this appointment you must resign from the Celestial College of Magic.
I think this would be a wise career move on your part. When I mentioned the idea to Theoderic, he developed the same nervous tick I have observed whenever your name is announced. I thought he might keel over right then and there. But when his counselor mentioned the prospect of sending you off to the Drakwald with Orcs on your left and Dwarves on the right, Chaos Beasts in front, and Wood Elves blocking the rear, he seemed to grow quite merry at the prospect. Soon the entire court was discussing which Halberdier units you could take with you and organizing a party to go to Nuln to seek the services of the very finest engineers to round out the command staff.
It did my heart good to see them put aside their previous ill feelings, to send you off in such a fine manner. I am sure the Drakwald is not as bad as everyone says, and the opportunity for glory abounds. Please inform me of your decision on this offer as soon as possible.
Your friend and business partner
Johann
P.S. Thank you very much for the coupon's to Rosalita’s. I look forward to cashing them in the next time I am in Salzenmund. Is it true she has a…. never mind, you never know who may read this letter.
Altdorf, May 21, 2523
Peter von Sprecher
Order of Teclis, 1st Class with a Gold Star.
College of Celestial Wizardry
Office of the Secretary for Wizardry Training & Advancement
Advancement Board
To Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
Dear Sir.
We are pleased to inform you that your marks in the most recent exams are more then sufficient to advance not only to the third level but beyond to the fourth level.
That is of course, if the exam marks were the only issue that the College gives consideration to. The Board has had several points of concern, and it is only fair that we make you aware of our concerns. First, no one on the board denies your encyclopedic knowledge of celestial mechanics and all of the reports of your performance supporting the Armies of Nordland have been favorable.
However, reports have reached this office concerning your activities in Salzenmund that are quite alarming. Now, I for one believe that cooperation between the Colleges and Clergy can be beneficial. But only if each body remains in its proper place. Your participation in the recent Inquisition in Nordland crossed that line repeatedly. Even setting aside the many, apparently, innocent victims, it is not the job of wizards to root out witches and heretics. All we can say is thanks be to Sigmar that a sudden downpour quenched the flames before they consumed Frau Helga's Kindergarten class.
Well, hopefully that entire incident is now in the past. I will now bring to your attention your recent thesis submitted for publication, “The Stars as Viewed from the Window of the Northwest Garret at Madame Rosalita’s, in Salzenmund”. Now the title and subject matter themselves are not that unusual for an academic work. The peer review process is still ongoing. The panel seems to be equally split in their opinion, half think it is absolutely brilliant, the other half is convinced that you are making it all up.
My concern is not with the academic merits of the work. Rather it is the invoice that this office just received from Madame Rosalita. Honestly sir, it buggers the imagination! The room charges are simple enough, and some of the services not unexpected. I myself have been known to enjoy a nice Halfling foot massage while conducting late night star gazing. But I know how to draw limits, sir! I would imagine you had little time to study the stars based upon this invoice. What could you possibly have, or do, with a Giantess? I may have to arrange a trip to Salzenmund for myself soon to look into this matter more thoroughly.
Now, normally these irregularities would be enough to scuttle any thought of advancement in this or any other order, in addition to having the wizard sent to the northern marches of Kislev as part of an exchange program. However, somehow, the stars seem to be smiling on you. The Board has received a letter for Count Theodoric interceding on your behalf. He is preparing a force to enter the Drakwald in search of the object best not mentioned. He argues, and the board reluctantly concurs that a Wizard Lord from this College would be best to lead such a force. He further states that there is no one he would rather have lead that force then yourself. It is good to know that in spite of the many rumors of your eccentricity, you have earned the esteem of Noland's nobility.
Therefore, acting under the authority of the Celestial Order of Magic, I hereby appoint Rufas of Nordland, with the title of: Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level. Please be aware that the appointment is probationary and that your extracurricular activities will reflect upon your continuance in office. As a Lord, you may rent one of the Colleges pegusus's by providing two weeks notice. Any damage to the mount will be deducted from your salary. Speaking of salary, Lord Midaski will be quite pleased to hear that you will finally be in a position to settle your tax arrears. It should only take about a dozen years. Also, from now on, you can cover your own expenses at Madame Rosalita's.
Your humble & obedient Servant
Peter von Sprecher
Order of Teclis, 1st Class with a Gold Star.
College of Celestial Wizardry
My dear Rufas,
(Actually “My Cheap Rufas” would be more appropriate)
I am glad your powers of divination are working and you managed to find this missive invisibly written on the back of our latest, and final tax demand.
As you know I have been very patient so far awaiting the receipt of your illicit gains in your scam ‘inquisitional activities’ and the blatant profiteering from the timber sales.
I am more disturbed to discover the outrageous sums involved in your excesses at Madame Rosalita’s, and there you were pleading poverty as a lowly wizard in your interviews with my tax officers.
I am sure you would not like me to inform our beloved Emperor, who would no doubt speak very swiftly to Count Theodoric – faced with such Imperial intervention and displeasure I doubt your Count’s patronage would last very long.
He might also look very hard at some of yoru Marienburg dalliances and wonder if your claims to be undermining the city’s power to help aid Nordland’s reclaimation were pure fiction and truly just motivated by personal greed to maintain your dubious lifestyle.
Indeed he might well be tempted to take advantage of any timber still left in some of your illicit warehouses, and put it to good use for a major bonfire.
However I can see an opportunity for you to redeem yourself – you might like to treat it as me allowing you an indulgence – yes I found that quite amusing.
As you know nothing happens in the Empire without my knowledge and I received my copies of your letters before they’d even left to make their journey to you.
I, at some personal expense I might add, am able to offer a solution to your dilemma. There are a couple of very accomplished young Kislevite ladies of my acquaintance who amongst their many charms are very skilled protégées of the Tsarina.
They are sisters and though Ulrika has golden hair and the palest skin whilst Demia boasts raven tresses and is richly tanned, they are actually twins.
Whilst practising their sorcerous skills, they inadvertently discovered a unique magical skill for duplication.
You may wonder at this, but I can assure you I was personally present on the first occasion this was manifested – let’s just say Demia was complaining that Ulrika was having all the fun …………..
I assume even your limited imagination can see the opportunities. Be assured your ‘twin’ would be identical in thought word and deed – you might like to consider the last option?
However I would suggest you and I use pseudonyms for identification – maybe Rueful for the Wizard Lord, and Roughus for the Lector fellow.
Eventually you will enjoy the dual income benefits totally – I say eventually, - as I still have to recover your outstanding taxes, and my expenses for my two friends, my introduction fee, and of course you will get two tax bills annually for the rest of both your lives. ………….
Oh and my ladies also can write magically so these words will fade to nothing very soon, and you will be left just with the original tax bill on the other side.
My good friends Otto and Max, my best collectors by far – though I have tried to educate them that there is no return on spare body parts in lieu of coin, are eager to visit Salzenmund, - even more so since I told them about Madame Rosalita’s.
I await your response – your very speedy response.
M.
My dear, dear friend (term used advisedly) Rufas.
You may be wondering how I have intercepted your letters and read them. If it were possible to chuckle knowingly in the confines of a letter, rest assured, I would do so. I have my ways of knowing. Suffice to say that they involve an inflated weasel's bladder, a rusted scythe, two quarts of black powder, and a dispel scroll. In any case, having come across your messages I feel it would be remiss of me not to add to the difficulty of your choice.
By this same method, I have been following your affairs in Salzenmund with considerable interest. What innovation! What daring! Who would have thought that the view from an giant's window would be filled with so much insight? I would be obliged if you would pass on to me the street address of this Madame Rosalita, for purely academic reasons, of course. I wish to take certain 'measurements' of my own, to confirm the accuracy of your observations.
Such is the potential for further development present in this work, I feel, that it would be only wise to accept the promotion to fourth level wizard of the Celestial Order. It would be tragic indeed to see the end of such ground-breaking theories as 'the Circumlocution of the Astral Spheroids, and their Relevance to Culinary Hygiene' or 'a Study of the Potential Applications of Targeted Thunderbolts in Increasing Equine Locomotive Rate', stifled in a Church career. In addition, let us not the unfortunate circumstances that led to the passing of General Nikse. The risk inherent in battle on the front lines is simply unacceptable. Genius, for I must in all honesty admit I feel your theories approach such a level, must not be hindered.
On another note, I must urge you to reconsider the Frau Helga verdict. The similarities between young Friedrich's finger-painting and the cult markings of the blasphemous powers are too great to be simply coincidental.
Yours in all trustworthiness,
Frederick von Carstein
Salzenmund, May 22, 2523
Lord Midaski
Imperial Jester Lord of the Exchequer
Bureau of Taxation, Bribery & Graft
No. 15 Corruption Strausse
Altdorf
Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
C/O M. Rosalita
Salzenmund, Nordland
My dear and most ancient, ancient Lord
It gladdens my heart to see that you have found the strength to lift your quill and set words to paper. I know it must be a strain for one so decrepit. I will attempt to keep this letter brief as I know how your mind wanders and the drool makes the ink run.
With respect to the taxation on my commissions on the indulgence affair, I refer your feeble mind (no offence intended, Alzheimer’s is a terrible thing), to the incident of March 15 at Bugman’s Brewery.
http://www.bugmansbrewery.com/forum/Green-Skins-Short-Unand39s-t16506.html
In as much as the Pink Goblin was representing my business interests at the time of the incident, the unforeseen loss must be counted against my gains. As there was no net profit, it stands to reason that there are no taxes owed. Likewise, the expenses incurred at M. Rosalita’s were covered under a research fellowship from the Celestial College of Magic. As you are (or were) no doubt aware, these fellowship stipends and expense accounts are tax exempt. My activities in the Garret were legitimate academic research and in no way excessive for delicate and demanding research I was conducting. I would not expect a mere money grubbing Muggle to understand it, but the Giantess, Dwarf twins, six Halfling lasses, female impersonating Wood Elf, the trained seal and 36 cases of red wine were all essential to completing my research.
Leaving aside that unpleasant business, I will no turn to your intriguing proposal. While it does offer possibilities, I am reluctant to split the personalities of such a, dare I say, profound and amazing mind. In fact I have already experienced something of the magic you refer to with a Dwarf named Ironmonger. The results are far from satisfactory, he stays out all night carousing at Bugman’s and I wind up with the hangover the next day.
I will make a choice soon but I am certain that it will be only one of the opportunities.
Moving on to your threat to remove Theodoric’s patronage, it is evidence that your feeble mind is slipping further. Through absolutely no fault of my own, I appear to have a singular effect on certain people, Theodoric and yourself amongst them. Theodoric is quite anxious for me to head the expedition in to the Drakwald, but he is not motivated out of any concern for my health.
I am touched by your concern for my long term health and the potential future revenues that I can contribute to the Imperial coffers. I have no doubt that you wish the Imperial endeavors in the Drakwald to succeed. If you can find a way to place at my disposal some military resources greater then the Nordland scrub squad Halberdiers, refugees from the Salzenmund Friday Night Drunk Tank, three nearsighted Engineers, and the HBVG’s that are under going their 33th complete refit after participating in 34 battles, I would be most obliged. A pair of Great Sword Regiments and Great Cannon batteries would do quite nicely.
Finally, I will address theological matters. If this is too complex, ask your nurse to explain it in very small words. Marienburg, use to be part of the Empire, and many people their people still pay homage to Sigmar. When Arch Theogonist Volkmar unexpectedly returned from his captivity, it created something of a sticky situation for the Church. Arch Theogonist Esmer could not return to former Arch Lectorship as that position had already been filled. Thus the post of Vice Theogonist was created. A proposal was forwarded by many men with swords, that the lost sheep of Marienburg were in need of spiritual guidance, and VT Esmer cheerfully answered the call.
I have long championed Nordland’s rightful claim and the goal to recapture the city from that that rascal & self styled Emperor, the Burghermeister Grutch. I am sure you would appreciate the effects on the Imperial coffers if this task can be accomplished. Then again may be not. I will try to make it simple. Marienburg = lots & lots of money.
I trust that nothing in this letter will be misconstrued with respect to your advanced years. Although we have never met personally have it on good authority from a chap named Gargoyle, aka Nick Huge that you are indeed older than the hills.
Trusting that you will soon have an enjoyable visit to the Temple of Morr,
I remain your most humble and obedient servant,
Rufas, the E
Salzenmund, May 22, 2523
Herr F. von Carstein
Somewhere in the wilds of Sylvania
Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
C/O M. Rosalita
Salzenmund, Nordland
My dear Frederick
It is good to make your acquaintance. It is a pleasure to correspond with such a learned… being. Knowing something of your family’s long and illustrious history, I hope that you will not be offended if we maintain a friendship through correspondence. I don’t want you to think I am in anyway prejudice, some of my best friends…. acquaintances… creditors are living impaired, Lord Midaski for instance.
I am most pleased to meet someone with the intellectual capacity to understand my genius. So many people, including the peer review Board at the Celestial College of Magic fail to see the significance of the Wood Elf transvestite and the trained seal. Nor do they truly understand the difficulty involved with procuring all of the necessities. Granted, cross dressing Wood Elves are a dime a dozen, but a trained seal is not so easy to obtain. Alas, true genius is never appreciated in its time. Are you a scholar as well? Your grasp of my work gives you away. I would be intrigued to see your publications.
I appreciate your input on my career options and tend to agree. The church is likely to stifle my creative output, and there are limits. After burning your 25th heretic it all becomes a boor. Forcing confessions in the dungeons offers some break to the routine, but I can see that loosing it’s charm eventually as well.
There is no doubt that War Alters and Lectors are all the rage this season, and there are great benefits in having one of them. Still can I call myself eccentric, if I am doing what everyone else is doing? There are challenges to building an army around a Wizard Lord. If I can get the proper units it might be done. I must consider the options further.
With regard to the Frau Helga affair, the Inquisitors considered the finger painting, but ultimately concluded that it was just finger painting. It’s the nature of the media that all finger painted pictures appear chaos inspired. Rather it was the children’s refusal to wash their hands before milk and cookies, and talking and giggling during nap time that resulted in their conviction and sentence. The torrential downpour right as the kindling was lit, was seen as divine intervention commuting their sentences. At least everyone assumed it was divine intervention. There are advantages to being a wizard. I could never stop talking and giggling during nap time either.
I look forward to receiving further correspondence
Scincerely
Rufas (proudly), the Eccentric.
P.S. Rosalitas is at 253 Rue de Red Light. They can procure anything. Give them two weeks notice and they could obtain Lord Midaski.
Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
C/O M. Rosalita
Salzenmund, Nordland
Most esteemed Rufas,
I apologise most profusely for the lateness of this reply. It appears that the servitors responsible for 'intercepting' your Imperial messengers and returning them to my kind failed in their duties and delivered the letter to one Ferdinand v. C. accidentally. Ferdinand has been duly chastised for his mistake, and the enchanted servitors replaced with fresh ones. I can only hope they retain cognitive ability for longer than the last batch. I have been encountering trouble with ravens and deconstructing these servants. Too many recruits suffer from grievous head injuries, allowing carrion birds to damage their brains, adversely affecting their intelligence. I have been experimenting with steel plates to prevent this, but these tend to make the servitors too top-heavy, allowing them to be defeated by foes armed with the equivalent of a light breeze. Replacing them regularly seems to be the only option, unfortunately. To prevent further confusion, please use my regular mailing address -
F. von Carstein
Castellan of Waldenhof
c/o
Herr Honorio
Order of Eternal Night and Solace
Schwarzahn Spire, Talabecland
I cannot articulate how pleased I am to have encountered a scholar mercifully free of preconceptions regarding my kind. Many, regrettably, tend to judge on appearance and call upon the witch hunters immediately. Their efforts are oft amusing, but grow tiresome. They are too set in their ways... too frequently have I seen them attempt to administer trial by water, only to forget that it is only the living that need to breathe, and that the undead may remain underwater indefinitely, or to attempt trial by hammer only to forget that we do not tire. Tolerance can be a virtue. I assure, I have not the slightest trace of evil intent, though in the name of honesty I must admit to a certain dislike of the Church of Sigmar.
If I may, I have attempted to replicate the experiment of the wood elven transvestite and trained seal myself, and I would suggest using a walrus as substitute. The resulting aroma is somewhat more smoky than it would have been otherwise, but otherwise the walrus performs to the same standard. One does have to remember to de-tusk the beast first, though, lest it instinctually gore the wood elf. Still, that's why we have spares. My closet is overflowing with the things, and I must confess, it does my heart good to see the occasional transvestite defenestrated.
Sadly, few of my publications have been accepted by the University of Altdorf. I fear I am not a competent spellcaster and have been forced to go through more mundane authorities, who have proven ignorant of many of the subtleties of my work. I ask you, what is so radical about the judicious application of Southlander reptiles to meta-ethical philosophy? We could learn much from the komodo, but it seems their ears are closed to its crooning song.
Turning, perhaps, to more productive matters, I am shocked and appalled by the revelation that Frau Helga's class did not wash their hands before milk and cookies. There was no mention of this action in the reports I have seen - perhaps the authorities sought to remove it from the public sight, to protect the children? The taint of Chaos must have spread further than I had thought. Naturally, talking and giggling is no crime - indeed, I am told that I myself laugh maniacally in my sleep. I have yet to catch myself sleeping, however, and so it must remain conjecture. Regardless, we cannot allow these students to be raised in the ways of sin. It may seem harmless now, but next they will fail to wash their hands before breakfast and from there it's a slippery slope. As the old saying goes, an unwashed hand is a sign of an unclean soul.
Yours sincerely
By the blood of Vashanesh, of the County of Sylvania, Lord of the Undead, Castellan of Waldenhof, Duke of the Grim Wood, Former Vassal of Mannfred, Chieftain of the Gepids, Formerly of the Von Diehls, his Dark Grace,
Frederick von Carstein
P.S. Midaski, you say? I trust you do not speak in hyperbole...
P.P. S. I realise I have failed to include any further advice on the matter of your appointment. I beg your indulgence for the ramblings of an old vampire.
To
Rufas of Nordland
Celestial Mage 3rd Class
Salzenmund
My Dear Eccentric Fellow,
I must admit that your recent missive caused much amusement. You should know that the life of a Kislev noble in the harsh northern lands makes for a much hardier healthier individual than the soft existence of the ‘indulgent’ life you have led.
Indeed your recent ‘activity’ and I use the term loosely, must have been very taxing as your coach ferried you around searching for such ferocious dangerous creatures as the odd female crone and mixed infants.
It must be very hard – or possibly it isn’t and that is the real problem – for you to know that even with my advanced years I am still able to attract and pleasure nubile sensuous ladies and have no need of bizarre experimentations in a vain search for physical pleasure.
However we return to the matter of money – you could say a tax return - It is true that the Emperor grants certain exemptions to the Colleges of Magic, and indeed to the donations to the Holy Church of Sigmar to fund the work of the Grand Theogonist and his staff.
However we have your own documented evidence, so kindly provided by your good self, in your writings in the Empire chronicles, where you openly admit to your trading in the Nordland timber market.
The rather pitiful attempt to claim loss of the profits and plead poverty, blaming a Pink Gobbo will not hold water.
(Otto and Max have asked if they can see whether you ‘hold water’ actually, following my telling them of the pond and Theoderic’s brother-in-law.)
To continue, however, even if I believe the fanciful tale of a Pink Gobbo – are you sure that is not some hallucinatory hangover from the previous night at Madame Rosalita’s – we have the written evidence confirmed from your freely admitted alter-ego, the dwarf Ironmonger, in Bugman’s Brewery that the said Pink Gobbo was an employee of your good self.
You openly admit it was your money, which my fine fellow still makes you responsible.
You might have elicited more sympathy – not a lot mind you – if you had at least staged some sort of robbery.
“DRIIINKS FUR EVEREEEONE” is the exact quotation I believe. You can be assured that I have had a team of highly trained scribes and clerics in my department scouring every inch of the parchments laying down the Imperial Tax laws, and we are unable to find that listed under ‘deductable expenses’.
I have to report that my ‘investigators’ have also visited Bugman’s Bar and luckily were able to talk several of the regulars who, when asked, became involved in a rather long and heated debate as to the last time anyone, let alone a Pink Gobbo, bought ‘Drinks for Everyone’ in the place.
As my colleagues left the premises discreetly the majority of the combatants seemed to have narrowed it down to someone called Gurney Ragnarson who had returned from a dragon slaying venture with inordinate amounts of gold, and had been slipped some strange fungi into his pipe tobacco in the Imperial Calendar year of 1976.
As to Marienburg I would be careful, as not even Count Theoderic knows the full story of the intrigues afoot. My scribes do tend to only list my more important offices, but I am sure there is reference to poor Erengrad which suffered much recently getting wetter than most. In one of your more lucid moments you will note the site of said city, and make some sense of its strategic value.
As to your career predicament, I can certainly understand your reluctance to consider my twins offer – on further consideration it must be very difficult for you to keep control of your faculties in the one existence, and two would be well beyond your capabilities.
I would advise you stay in your current profession. I have enclosed copies of my correspondence with the other involved parties, and you will see that the offer from the ‘Vice-Theogonist’ may not be that reliable or long term.
I must say that I find you a very amusing fellow, and I would be most disappointed to have to arrange – as you put it so kindly in your letter to me – “a visit to the Temple of Morr” for you.
As a “Provisional Wizard Lord 4th Level” you should take advantage of the Pegasus offer very speedily – my sources tell me that a lot of Empire Captains are ‘requisitioning’ Pegasii to enable them to carry some boxes that Mage Aldred’s ex-apprentices seem to be churning out in Altdorf.
Wizard status and a Pegasus should keep you away from the ‘front-line’ and let’s face it after your recent lifestyle you are hardly up to wielding a big hammer and wearing heavy armour.
Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina
Oh by the way, just between you and me, I wouldn’t overdo it in the Drakwald, because despite all the fuss and Count Theoderic’s fervour be assured no-one will find the item, ...................... well not the real item. I suppose the brass copy left in its place though might fool some of the mentally challenged races.
The real item is safely in Kislev – I delivered it myself to the Tsarina last week, and very fetching she looked wearing it too, - very, very regal and stunningly beautiful – not that I took too much notice of the headgear - well it was all she was wearing.
Johann Esmer, Vice Theogonist
Holy Church of Sigmar
Marienburg
Dear Johann
Now you are being a naughty boy aren’t you?
When I asked you nicely to go to Marienburg and lie low, and I went to the trouble of supplying the special escort from my own personal Kislev Greatswords, I thought you understood what "lie low" meant.
A copy of your letter to Rufas of Nordland has come into my possession, and before we go any further I do suggest you change your title to Deputy Theogonist – given your indiscretions in Altdorf and the free coupon to Madame Rosalita’s that is now in your possession I suggest you should not encourage the use of the word Vice around yourself.
The Conclave’s Inner Circle’s experiment with Rufas, and his mixing of Wizard and Priest roles is concluded. I still find it amusing that the poor fellow believed it was his own idea – his eccentricity just made him so gullible to the subtle suggestions from the planted Halfling masseuse.
He is being strongly advised to stick to the wizardry, and the Grand Theogonist had made it clear there was to be no offer from the Church of Sigmar anywhere within the Empire. Graf Boris and the Ar-Ulric were also tipped off in case the weirdo tried to convert to their side.
All you had to do was spend your days quietly, and your nights discreetly. You know Marienburg was chosen for a purpose, and you are supposed to be discreetly inveigling your way into the corridors of power there.
Grand Burgomeister Grutch has provided the introductions, and I would not want his position undermined by your delusional aberrations.
It had been suggested that Otto and Max paid you a visit, but I have also pointed out that Volkmar is still not his old self, and it is possible, however remote given your conduct in office prior to his return, that you may be of some use to your Emperor in the future.
I will make no such defence, if there is any repeat of your actions,
Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina
F. von Carstein
Castellan of Waldenhof
c/o
Herr Honorio
Order of Eternal Night and Solace
Schwarzahn Spire, Talabecland
Dear Frederick,
I must apologise for your mail problem – I suspect Ulrika and Demia’s ‘investigations’ of your servitors caused a little blip in their performance. It is actually quite amusing as it involves Rufas, as he is always getting mail for a renowned scribe called Rufus.
My consorts did laugh though, and they did say you were quite right – you are not a very competent spellcaster.
I am somewhat concerned however about your ‘encouragement’ of Rufas’ scholastic ability. Rufas has been under careful observation for some time now, and we do believe that he has some natural talent as a battle wizard; however the eccentricity that serves him well on the battlefield as he tends to, shall we say, ‘confuse’ the enemy, causes a certain disquiet in his day to day behaviour.
I have my observers ‘down south’ and so please be advised also that I am well aware of your submissions to the University of Altdorf – indeed you seem to be a fairly intelligent fellow, or should I say being, and you must have known the mere titles of your work would bring you to the attention of certain authorities.
I have read the “I am a Walrus – and I have feelings” treatise, - I think it was initially dismissed as plagiarism of a certain musical troupe currently popular amongst some of Altdorf’s younger populace.
The other tome – “The Komodo – and how to use it properly” also somehow found its way into the Sanitation and Ablutions section of the Library.
To conclude I would suggest that you should be careful as to how far you pursue your pleasure; Rufus is somewhat protected from inferences of ‘chaotic pleasure seeking’ infection due to his occasional performances in battle, but given your state of existence you might find accusations harder to defend - I think Otto and Max refer to it amusingly as "The Double Whammy"
Oh and no one could ever call me hyperbolic – you might wish to call Rufas superbowlic though.
Lord Midaski
Imperial Chancellor
Khan of Erengrad
Treasurer to the Tsarina
Salzenmund, May 24, 2523
Rufas of Nordland
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
To: Peter von Sprecher
College of Celestial Wizardry
Office of the Secretary for Wizardry Training & Advancement
Advancement Board
Dear Herr von Specher.
I have received your missive of the 21st and am honored with the unqualified esteem and honor bestowed upon my humble self. I will strive meet these high expectations.
My next research project upon completion of this unpleasant business in the Drakwald will concern a certain Pink Goblin, pots of finger-paints from Frau Helga’s kindergarten class and an ancient Kislev nobleman, and of course, 36 cases of red wine, which we all know is essential for any significant research. I will submit further details with the grant application.
I should inform you, that I had received another offer that was nearly as attractive as the one forwarded by your kind hand. For a time, the offers were in near balance. Of course my heart has always been the Celestial College, but important decisions should not be made lightly. Even now, there is some indecision as the size and composition I am to lead into the Drakwald remains in a haze and the stars themselves fail to yield satisfactory answers.
However, at times even the Lore of Heavens will fail to yield a correct path. In such cases, one should follow his heart, and other portents that may be available. As stated above, my heart is with the Celestial College. However, I have been able to discern other portents that confirm the wisdom of accepting the appointment of Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level. In addition, please allow this to serve as appropriate notice to obtain one of the College’s, fine Pegasai.
I should close soon, I am in need of some serious discussions with Count Theodoric on matters of a military nature. It is always a hassle securing the military forces required an expedition.
I have met a fine man, Captain von Shadel, whom may agree to join my force. We met through the offices of my dear friends, Larry, Moe, & Curly, my former Customer Service Ogres. Would you believe these fine lads have recently sat for and been admitted to the Bar for the Province of Nordland. Their new practice specializes in civil litigation and tax law. Their offices are in the alleyway in the back of Madame Rosalita’s. I spent so much time staring up at the stars, that I failed to notice them down below. The noise of crunching bones should have given them away,
I will close for now.
I remain,
Rufas of Nordland
Provisional Wizard Lord, 4th Level
Mage of the Celestial College
Order of Teclis, 3rd Class
P.S. By any chance could I prevail upon you to forward the 36 cases of red wine along with the Pegasus? I wish to start some of the preliminary research in the down time of putting the Nordland Expeditionary Force together. Your understanding is greatly appreciated.
Larry, Moe & Curley, Esquires
Alleyway behind Madame Rosilita’s
Salzenmund, Nordland
Lord Midaski
Imperial, Lord of the Exchequer
Khan’t Getitup of Erengrad
Boy Toy to the Tzarina
Bureau of Taxation, Bribery & Graft
No. 15 Corruption Strausse
Altdorf
Hey Youse:
We’s ere youse botering ourz goodest pal, Rufas of the Extra Large Codpiece. Stop it. We would be happy to discuss wit youse pers.. pursoin.. whatever, youse dis matter ins ourz sty, office. If youse too sore after youse ben used, by dat Tzarina Ho’s wand, send youse lackies, Otto & Max. Wese ungry, and dares more meat on dem twos den on youse skinny, behind.
Ins order to saves yous the trouble of being eaten, we would wish to to illicit certoin faxts about de incident at Bugman’s and Imperial taxes law.
1. Would you really expect dem thick skulled stunties to’s recol… rememb…. Knows whats theys done afters a knights drainings all of Mr. B’s stash? De's incident tis recordid on dese annals of de Brewery, ands youse letter to's Rufas of de Amazing Brain (and Extra Large Codpiece) evidenzs youse red de annals. If tits on de Brewery its musts bee trues.
2. Youses seems to forgit Section 245(i) of deese Imperial Tax Cod which sayz afters alls de udder deductions, “other unforeseen business losses” Dat a little bitty gobo wood buy a throng of Stunties beers tiz about as unforeseen as youse can git.
In closing: don’t mess wit uz, wese lawsyers and passed de Bar. Actually, wese pickt up de Bar and threatened to smashd de judges ead.
Wese ope youz hav a very nice day
Larry, Moe & Currly.
Attorneys at Law and Maneatng Mercenaries