Babies and Warhammer
So you followed Hedgy's advice and you got a girlfriend, congratulations. Now at some point they might want to get married and/or have babies. But there is no need to panic
Woman like spending money, often on things that are ‘essential’ (plastic soldiers unfortunately do not fall under this category) and often you didn’t even know existed! Now the danger here is that this could eat into your funds for going to the pub/bar, that plasma TV you wanted or more importantly your Warhammer purchases. However there is an opportunity that presents itself here. For every $/£/€ that she spends you get that much to spend on your hobby. If you only mange to negotiate a percentage of this you are still doing well, and will still get a big collection of toy soldiers. I have successfully applied this to manicures and pedicures. “Sure I will take you to get your nails done honey. I will just be in the hobby store while I wait for you.”
Now onto babies, so you’re other half has revealed she is pregnant; this is likely to cut into your hobby time. Producing another life is a hard and intense experience you are going to be making a lot of changes in your life, one of which will be an adjustment in your opportunities to fulfill your hobby needs.
Tiredness, at least at the beginning, will be a major issue. Your other half is likely to be very tired and sleep a lot. With many of the things you are going to face there will advantages and disadvantages, so make the most of opportunities and be warned of the difficulties. By being sleepy all the tasks around the house are going to fall to you. So if you want to wear clean clothes or eat you will have to do it yourself. Plus your woman is not going to tolerate you wearing the same clothes like you could get away with when you were single. Also for some strange reason her sense of smell will become more sensitive, so be warned. This cuts down on the hobby time, you are likely to have to go get things in the middle of painting or pause in the middle of the shooting phase, and then forget about your cannon. However you will need to spend less time with her as she will probably be sleeping a lot, so you can go do whatever you want.
Legs, those leg, especially towards the end are going to swell up and daily foot massages will be required, this is not only taking up valuable time but will also give you sore hands and wrists, putting a crimp in your painting ability. On the other hand, bad dice rolling can now be blamed on your limp wrists.
Suspicion, pregnant women get very suspicious of your every move, looking like a beach ball, for some reason can cause insecurity. When you go to the hobby store, she will be suspicious that you are flirting with the Goth girl with the lazy eye, so be on your best behavior. It’s advised that all games are played at home at this time, at least she can keep an eye on you, so it’s better than going to the pub. This also means that you don’t have to pack all your stuff to go anywhere, and you have an excuse to force your mates to come to your place. As mentioned before, her sense of smell becomes very good, suggest that any of your buddies that tend to not have much interest in regular showering that they sharpen up their acts, or expect constant interruptions wishing to know when you will be done and once they are gone subjected to extended complaining. Also avoid using any of the smellier products for your terrain building at this time.
Morning sickness is a myth, it happens all day long; this only has negatives for you. Any attempt to do something ‘fun’ at this time will likely be accompanied by unfavorable comments, be nice here, or you might lose your soldiers.
If you have survived this far, well done. The birth may be quick or slow, slip your army book in the prepared bag so at least you can come up with new army list if it takes a while.
The next few months will be a relatively good time for your hobby. Small babies don’t do much, so it’s perfectly possible to do what you want, they sleep a lot and when they are awake they are normally in something. If you have something portable, you can put them next to your painting station and when they need something you can immediately attend to their needs. But don’t let them get hold of anything they can choke on.
However once mobile you might have to keep your things packed away for a while (2-3 years?) grasping hands aren’t necessarily gentle and your knights might easily end up in pieces.
The other consideration here is that all those extra expenses are going to seriously eat into available cash for more soldiers. For some reason those cannons aren’t as important as diapers (nappies), but for some reason your wife/girlfriends needs will not alter, she still needs her nails done etc… This is understandable, their body has been subjected to quite a trauma and they want things to help them feel attractive, sorry you are out of luck here.
For the first 8 weeks, other forms of entertainment are off limits so in sympathy at least you might get let out to play warhammer.
Your newest problem is that your friends without children will have no idea what you are going through, so you might need to find new gamers who are so blessed as you. If you wish to go to a tournament expect that you will be getting the kids to look after for a weekend soon after. If you live in the US Fathers Day is a big deal and is the perfect time to receive new items especially as its about 6 months from Christmas.
In a few years (12?) you will be in possession of a full time opponent (if you play your cards right) but also twice the drain on your wallet and possibly your painting time.
Good Luck
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank my wife and son, who without them I would never have know, also my friend Chuck who was himself in the middle of the same process when I was first thought about writing this piece.